how many times must i have my heart destroyed before i learn that love is false?
when will i stop being such a fool, thinking the words spoken are true?
why must my heart be the playground for the cruel games of love?
do they not know the pain that is caused, or does no one care?
no loneliness compares to the emptiness of a future lost.
no winter can be as cold as a soul turned black.
i can be the greatest of woman, loving, caring, forever and putting my loved one before all else.
but why should i, if they don’t give a damn, why should i.

I wanna make love with this song playing. then at 3.30, wait for it .. oh christ.

I have not prayed in awhile.

Here goes..
Dear God,

give us a second chance, to do those things today that we should have done yesterday; to say those things we should have said yesterday.

give us a second chance in our relationships: to look on what is good and not what is bad, to be honest, to be accepting and to say sorry.

give a second chance to those who have caused pain to others, allowing them be the ones to bring healing.

give a second chance to those who hate, opening their eyes to forgiveness.

give us a chance to allow ourselves to fix our brokenness.

Last but not least, god, please give me the strength and forgiveness to forego others mistakes while they’re  only focusing on mine. 

Amen 

“I won’t be with you, but I won’t be far away and this is goodbye.”

Last night was sensational.

It’s hard to wrap my head around just how much a part of my defining years Yellowcard has been. It’s a little ridiculous to think that people you don’t know personally can hold such an effect on you. They have played such a huge part in  defining my feelings over the years, not to mention accompanying me through heartbreaks and celebrations.

Standing there watching them for the last time, i desperately tried to hold myself together and not feel so hopeless and helpless but all that led me running to the washroom after the show to bawl my eyes out from all the emotions i was carrying in my heart. It reminded me of how much i actually miss him so.

Their latest album talks so much about change. Many things change with time and only a few still happen all over again……

Like love. There’s no two ways about it.

Thank you for growing up with me Yellowcard 😥

May i meet my husband at the show tonight.

and we would make out to this song.

teehee

fckn memories

I have a giant box that i keep under my bed filled with memories of ex lovers, flames, special people, and letters filled with all the words i never got to say. (if i ever die young i want this box incinerated with me please.) So anyway as i was looking for something in this box this morning, i found an ‘Anberlin’ tee shirt folded neatly in a ziplock and i suddenly got sucked back into my yesteryears.

In 2008, during the golden age of emo(hehe), i was at a saosin x incubus show. My shirt got torn right down the front by some assholes moshing like fools in the crowd. This guy with little tattoos here and there came up from behind me, took his shirt off and told me to put it on quick. After the show he told me to keep his shirt because he wanted me to remember him.

Fast forward to 2017 and i sit here amazed at all the little fragments of my life growing up. All in this box.

To Anberlin shirt guy, maybe you’ll read this one day, maybe one day we’d meet again. Just wanted to let you know that, i still have your shirt.

I’m guessing, sometimes, it isn’t the person you miss, but rather the feelings you felt and moments you had when you were with them.

感谢有你。

Always, i know. You’ll be at my show. 

Have heart, my dear.