pov: you finally understand the difference between people who love you, people who love to be around you and people who love what you can do for them.

It’s time to go.

Confidentiality – can non-authorised people access or view the content?

Integrity – is the content intact and unmodified?

Availability – is the content accessible and available when i need it?

In an office full of people yet feel like I don’t exist.

It’s better today.

Every morning for the past few months, i’ve just dreaded my day right before it even begun. My first choice of activity when i opened my eyes would probably have been to stay in bed, scroll my phone, watch netflix, feel lost, think of the beach and sorry for myself…

Being in the wrong place where you arn’t valued can be very mentally draining – and exhausting. Feeling invincible, helpless, it can have severe effects on your self- esteem. But don’t go blaming yourself, it’s not you, you’re trying your best. It’s like that story about the car.

“The right place with the right people will always treat you the way you deserve to be. Know your worth, and never settle where you’re not appreciated. Never stay where people don’t value you.”

Today though was different. Had a meeting with someone i met on linkedin and he really made me feel heard. So today, i am grateful for all the good and the bad.

Stress.

I used to ace EVERY job I take on.

This is the first time ever I’m struggling at a job. I NEED this job. 1 more week to the end of Q2 and I’m still not hitting my target.

what.the.fuck.why???

Suicide.

I wouldn’t ever do it. But why is it a constant thought in my mind?

Why do I keep playing out different scenarios of how I could possibly do it.

And then start thinking about how my loved ones would feel.

And that I wouldn’t want to hurt them.

Only to snap out of it and go on with my other thoughts.

Before it slowly creeps in and makes it way back into my mental space again.

But I’d never do it. You know? Just journaling, senseless rambles. Although I know no one ever reads this.

Mind is blank.

new place.

Getting used to a brand new house(home), where things feel, sound, and look different, can be very very very very difficult. My former home, neighbourhood, and familiar places that kept me centered, and now… i feel super unanchored, aloof, set adrift.

I feel so displaced. It’s fucking me up mentally. No one understands. All these fuckers still live with their parents.

This is actually the worst i’ve felt in a long time.